March 19, 2012

Things Must Do This Week:

1. Laundry, as am running on backup wardrobe to secondary wardrobe, both of which are now too big on me, leading to issues such as boatneck shirt displaying BOTH shoulders and most of bra today at breakfast with people on whom I would have liked to make a less slutty impression.

2. Work on training primary and auxiliary dogs. Both now spoiled to such an unbearable point that they fully believe their days should consist of going outside, coming in, getting treat, going back out--oh, and will only GO out when treat is thrown into yard--coming in, treat, repeat. In between, they whine pathetically, stand on humans and chair arms[smaller, auxiliary dog is 50 lbs at least; primary dog is 75 lbs], nudge things off tables with their noses, and shred paper products.

3. Nag Olds to do various things they were supposed to do last week, such as buy actual food instead of mixers and beer at store. Oranges for making old fashioneds do not count.

4. Watch Rachel Maddow only ONCE per day. Two times acceptable only if have missed large part of first broadcast. No excuse for watching third broadcast at 4am, ever, UNLESS have gone to bed before 9pm and am up for day at 4am.

5. Also, limit general MSNBC viewing to only 6 hours a day. Thomas Roberts, Andrea Mitchell, Martin Brashear, Rev. Al, Ed, Rachel, Lawrence. Wait. Limit to 7 hours per day.

5. Finish dolls I meant to finish three weeks ago, in last blog entry.

6. Pay attention to Olds for at least 15 minutes a day. Have been gone a lot lately which leads to certain level of shirtiness and pouting.

7. Join YMCA, as have been meaning to do for past 2.5 years.

8. Finish reading at least 3 of 6 books am currently reading. Not counting four books am re-reading, which right now include 2 British children's books, a Barbara Pym, and The Shining

9. Stop referring to self as "asshole", at least out loud.

10. Try to go entire day without making fun of any biological family members online. Perhaps should specify "daylight hours" as 24 hours running seems excessive, esp. if actually in contact with any of them during said day

11. Limit self to one type of baked good per day. Example: May not consume cake AND cookies on same day, but may have three kinds of cake. Must start slow.

12. Refrain from singing parts of Jesus Christ Superstar in public that make me sound like a christian. Also try not to sing "Hosanna" and "Time Warp" from Rocky Horror at same time again.

13. Make lists of things to accomplish each DAY, as need to organize time. Also must write those lists on actual paper, which means

14. Find paper that is not knitting pattern or granola bar wrapper

15. Find writing instrument

16. Try to only mention Rachel Maddow once every two hours instead of every 15 minutes.

Already exhausted.

Hours of MSNBC watched already today: 3. Still enough left for Rachel,Ed,Lawrence, unless skip Lawrence for midnight Rachel
Olds attention paid: 35 minutes--DONE.
Loads of laundry: One--EXCELLENT
Dog training: Taught auxiliary dog to bark at bicyclists outdoors
Number of times have mentioned Rachel Maddow so far: Twice. Have been up over 2 hours, so, very good.

Day of obsessive ADHD

I should be working on a lot of things right now. Dolls. Knitted toys I sell like hotcakes when I can bother to photograph them and put the pictures on the interwebs. Beaded samples to take around town to drum up some beading classes. Instead, here is how I spent my day:


1. 9:35 Awake, only because dog is making horrible whining/growling noise that she makes before she starts barking like an idiot, and which means "FEED. NOW."
2. 9:35 and a half. Feed beast, who falls on kibble as though has never eaten before in her life.
3. 9:36 Put dog outside, close door firmly, fall back to sleep.
4. 9:45 Someone upstairs lets the damn dog in, and so she rushes downstairs and leaps on me barking until I get up.
5. Go upstairs, make coffee, waste time playing with auxiliary dog while watching Kathy Lee and Hoda. Lose several brain cells in process.
6. Wander about my studio* picking up things and putting them down.
7. Decide to make a to do list for day.
8. Watch MSNBC for an hour while checking Facebook and e-mail.
9. Wonder why cannot make list.
10. Ten minutes later, realize have not taken ADHD meds.
11. Wander about aimlessly for ten more minutes until remember that am supposed to be taking meds.
12. Take.
13. Become seized with fit of usefulness and dump several large plastic bins of doll parts onto floor.
14. Spend twenty minutes screaming at dog and removing doll arms and legs from her mouth.
15. Cage dog.
16. Check facebook and e-mail again while trying to calm down.
17. Realize Class Notes for alumnae rag are due tomorrow.
18. Curse.
19. Go upstairs and whine to Olds about how MUCH I HAVE TO DO. Am told to shut up because they are watching jeopardy or who wants to be a millionaire or some other oldenshow.
20. Spend a full THIRTY MINUTES working on Class Notes.
21. Remember that there are doll parts strewn about, making floor look like toy sized serial killer's den.
22. Deserve break from hard work copying and pasting Notes, so sit on floor among doll bits and "organize" them, which mostly means transferring them to several smaller plastic bins.
23. Put dog outside and ignore her when, two minutes later, she stands at the door on her hind legs barking and scratching.
24. Continue to ignore dog
25. "Work" on Notes again, meaning, spend 20 minutes going through all possible e-mails, Facebook posts, etc making sure have not missed any.
26. Let dog in.
27. Clearly, time for break. Go upstairs and whip auxiliary dog into frenzy and then leave her with Olds who are trying to relax.
28. Pleased with self, finish Class Notes in 20 minutes.
29. Is now 4:30. Time for a nap.
30. Nap until 6, at which point rest of evening is assured, due to Rev. Al, Chris Matthews, Ed, Rachel, Lawrence, Jon Stewart, and Stephen Colbert.

Number of dolls worked on: 0
Number of knitted toys finished: 0
Beading: None.
Class Notes column written: 1
















*I live in the basement, which I call "my studio" because that sounds cooler than saying "My parents' basement where all of the stuff I used to have in my 1200 sq. foot house is stored in stacks of plastic bins"

Production note 1

Production note: Am compiling list of Maddow blazers favorites WITH PHOTOS, so will not be ready until she has made it through another cycle. Last night she wore the ill fitting gray with narrow lapels, which do not care for. Had ranked it number 7, but may fall to a lower rank due to wrinkles and extreme narrowness of lapels.

List of Why

1. Have wanted to start new blog, since cannot seem to write on either of my other ones.


2. Decided needed new approach, since old ones not working and am tired of degenerating into (no matter how warranted) self pity


3. Spent a month or so trying to think of clever "hook", catchy name, and unique content


4. Failed.


5. Visited friend in need who was having trouble organizing his time after a family loss.


6. Introduced him to concept of listmaking, both for organizational purposes and amusement/distraction purposes.


7. Worked. Especially amusement part.


8. Remembered how most of my truly amusing blog posts were written in list form.


9. Thought of several lists I needed to write to organize own life, starting with "Do a new blog"


10. Failed to make connection between lists and blog idea.


11. Thought of more blog ideas, none of which interesting enough to distract me from reality TV.


12. Tried to write entries on old blogs.


13. Instead made list of Rachel Maddow's blazers in order of favorites.


14. Suddenly realized, could write entire blog in lists, removing need for structure, narrative flow, and complete sentences.


15. Especially since can use Rachel Maddow whenever run out of other topics. Excellent.

16. STARTED.